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      Greatest Books
        Bad Sex in Fiction
    (As of: 28-Sep-0009)

    Awarded annually by The Literary Review, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award is given to the most "crude, tasteless and often perfunctory" sex scene in a fictional novel. The award, in good humor, was started in 1993 by Auberon Waugh, then editor of The Literary Review. Waugh died in January 2001 but his legacy continues.

    Source: The Literary Review

       
      Year   Book
      2008
    Shire Hell
    by Anonymous
    "JM's hands are caressing my breasts, now, and I am allowed to kiss him back, but not for long, for he breaks off, to give each breast the attention it deserves. As he nibbles and pulls with his mouth, his hands find my bush, and with light fingers he flutters about there, as if he is a moth caught inside a lampshade.

    Almost screaming after five agonizingly pleasurable minutes, I make a grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside, but he holds both by arms down, and puts his tongue to my core, like a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop. I find myself gripping his ears and tugging at the locks curling over them, beside myself, and a strange animal noise escapes from me as the mounting, Wagnerian crescendo overtakes me. I really do hope at this point that all the Spodders are, as requested, attending the meeting about slug clearance or whatever it is."

     
      2007
    The Castle in the Forest
    by Norman Mailer
    "His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety..."
     
      2006
    Twenty Something
    by Anonymous
    "I can feel her breasts against her chest. I cup my hands round her face and start to kiss her properly. She slides one of her slender legs in between mine.

    Oh Jack, she was moaning now, her curves pushed up against me, her crotch taut against my bulging trousers, her hands gripping fistfuls of my hair."

     
      2005
    Winkler
    by Anonymous
    "And he came hard in her mouth and his ... jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his ... out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air, and he came again so hard that his ... wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he'd ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his ..., which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro."
     
      2004
    I Am Charlotte Simmons
    by Tom Wolfe
    "Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth... Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns..."
     
      2003
    Bunker 13
    by Aniruddha Bahal
    "Your palms are holding her neck and thumbs are at her ears regulating the speed of her head as she swallows and then sucks up your machinery.

    She is topping up your engine oil for the cross-country coming up. Your RPM is hitting a new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time...

    She picks up a Bugatti’s momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen’s steady trot. Squeeze the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she’s eating up the road with all cylinders blazing. You lift her out. You want to try different kinds of fusion."

     
      2002 Tread Softly
    by Wendy Perriam
    "She lay back on the bed while he positioned himself above her, then she slid her feet up his chest and on to his shoulders -- Mr Hughes's shoulders. She closed her eyes, saw his dark-as-treacle-toffee eyes gazing down at her. Weirdly, he was clad in pin-stripes at the same time as being naked. Pin-stripes were erotic, the uniform of fathers, two-dimensional fathers. Even Mr Hughes's penis had a seductive pin-striped foreskin. Enticingly rough yet soft inside her. The jargon he'd used at the consultation had become bewitching love-talk: '...dislocation of the second MTPJ...titanium hemi-implant...'"
     
      2001
    Rescue Me
    by Christopher Hart
    "Her hand is moving away from my knee and heading north. Heading unnervingly and with a steely will towards the pole. And, like Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Pamela will not easily be discouraged. I try twitching, and then shaking my leg, but to no avail. At last, disastrously, I try squeezing her hand painfully between my bony thighs, but this only serves to inflame her ardour the more. Ever northward moves her hand, while she smiles languorously at my right ear. And when she reaches the north pole, I think in wonder and terror, 'Oh, she will surely want to pitch her tent'."
     
      2000 Kissing England
    by Anonymous
    "Now. Yes. Brupt, he rises, turns her over, flips her white body. Her small white body. She is so small and so compact, and yet she has all the necessary features ... Shall I compare thee to a Sony Walkman, thou are more compact and more ... She is his own Toshiba, his dinky little JVC, his sweet Aiwa. 'Aiwa,' she say as he enters her, 'Aiwa, aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwaaaaaaaahhh.'"
     
      1999 Starcrossed
    by Anonymous
    "...the rash-rubbed thighs clamped cheeks, bits of liverish flesh draped across his nose and coarse hair scraped his chin. There seemed to be such a lot of her."
     
      1998 Charlotte Gray
    by Sebastian Faulks
    "Meanwhile her ears were filled with the sound of a soft but frantic gasping and it was some time before she identified it as her own. ... 'This is so wonderful I feel I might disintegrate, I might break into a million fragments.'"
     
      1997
    The Matter of the Heart
    by Nicholas Royle
    "Yasmin grinned and writhed on the bed, arching her back, making a noise somewhere between a beached seal and a police siren."
     
      1996
    The Big Kiss
    by David Huggins
    "'Stick it in,' she whispered. I moved up the bed and pushed inside her. Liz squeaked like wet rubber. She grabbed my love-handles and ground her hips up against me, her eyes black saucers staring into mine as she hooked a yoga-leg onto my shoulder. We went through a medley of our favourite positions."
     
      1995 The Grid
    by Philip Kerr
    "His tremulous thumbs gathered the elastic waist of her panties and plucked them down over the twin gold domes of her behind and back up over the suspended sentences and Sobraine filter-tips of her stocking tops... Detaching mind from over-eager gnomon and its exquisitely appointed, shadowy task, he began to make love to her. When they had finished they lay under the sheet and watched TV."
     
      1994 Stonebreakers, Set
    by Philip Hook, Steven Crossley
    "Their jaws ground in feverish mutual mastication. Saliva and sweat. Sweat and saliva. There was a purposeful shedding of clothing."
     
      1993 A Time to Dance
    by Melvyn Bragg
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